spaceship

i typed out a whole bunch of shit and decided to erase it

thats the way things work for me most of the time.

i get really insecure, and wish i could go back and start from the beginning,

oh the beauty of backspace.

how many times have i done that in a IM conversation?

never said the things that could have made or break a friendship 

how artificial

my cats are like spiderman

i'm stoked for next week

its going to be good

i'm excited about addie and jim finally coming

it is really sweet to make the effort, because i know its hard to make trip like these happen sometimes, especially now. 

i really wish michael lovett could come up too.

agentswitzerland: (12:42:57 PM) man jes, you've got to understand i'd love to do that, but i just don't have the means or the money

....no worries, man

why the fuck am i still watching basketball?

chickpea is glued to the tv, i'll just leave it

i was so vain this past week

i dyed my hair

i spent 16 dollars to change my hair color

i don't care--i feel pretty

the color of my hair is now officially chocolate shake

in humanities class this morning we watched this video about the post mao revolution in china.

it was fascinating to me that in our culture we take for the granted our freedom of expression

, how cliche is that,

 i don't give a shit. 

there are people in china coming out into a post mao culture, and i didn't even know about it.  it flew right past me.  there are artists that are completely restricted to create politically fused artworks, introspection of any kind is not taken seriously, but is slightly tolerated.  there are artists that choose to live in poverty in order to create the works that their minds and their hearts demand.  there are so many fucking ways to go about being an artist in america.  these kids at schools that i go to, they are everywhere. they talk about just barely turning in an art assignment, no one takes time to just celebrate the fact that we have assignments. we take for granted all the things we're taught about art, all the amazing work we pass by everyday.  every single piece is created by someone expressing their views of a situation and being completely uninhibited by their surroundings, their government.

i, for one, cannot conceive the idea of growing up in a socialist/communist society where the written word is evil, and where the self expression is TOLERATED. 

imagine being given a salary of $28 a month to live on and make room in the budget for your supplies in order to create what you want. fuck that. i want to live like i have $28 a month

i only wish i had that much courage.

i'm excited about a lot of things

meloncholy and unsure of others

i'm mostly unsure

i wish i was a little bit smarter

i wish i wasn't being so into myself right now,

its really annoying

i feel like today i should be so relieved that i don't have any school work to worry about for like a week, but i don't, i feel the same

i'm proud of that

it means i'm keeping up ok.

god i want to make pictures of something special

i want people to know me for that

THATS ALL I EVER WANT

i'm still settling in, sort of like chickpea and jane

i hope they like it here

i hope they feel at home

i wanna be naked and make spaghetti